i dont even know what to say.
is it possible to be in love with more than one person?
to be with someone but love the idea of someone else?
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Monday, October 17, 2011
living.loving.learning.
my second year of college has began. i'm in a relationship i'm not completly sure i was ready for but i went into it anyways. and i've actually realized a lot being with this boy. he kind of drives me crazy, scratch that he drives me crazy and it is not always the good type of crazy. he is the total opposite of me. he's so carefree and he is always acting like a little kid, his favorite word is butthole and he loves to watch beavis and butthead. but if you put all that aside he is perfect for me.
yeah. he's a little bit of a crazy kid, but me, i'm a crazy bitch and that is why he is so perfect for me. i am crazy, i take life too seriously, i judge everyone i see for absolutely no reason at all, i get too too angry when people are driving just two miles under the speed limit. i don't know how to talk about my feelings so i bottle them up and take them out on the people i love because i know they'll forgive me for it. and put all that aside he still loves me.
you know that saying "if he can't handle you at your worst, then he doesn't deserve you at your best"
this boy is special and he is so so incredibly patient, because he is one of the few people on this earth that can not only deal with me when i'm being a crazy emotional bitch, he somehow finds a way and manages to calm me down.
he is such a beautiful person. he has taught me so much. he has taught me that there is so much shit in life that just isn't worth getting worked up about. five years down the road half the shit i cry and complain about won't matter.
but during our time together i've learned so much about myself. i am constantly telling him i will eventually open up to him and i always come really close in doing so but then for some reason i just shut down, and today i findally realized why i do that. he says it is cause i'm insecure within our relationship but that isn't it. i guess it could be put that i'm insecure with myself. i am so afraid to opening up to him because i'm afraid of losing someone that means so much to me. i'm scared to show him that i can be vulnerable because in the past when i've done so i was left.
it sucks to put your trust in to someone and then they just leave you without reason, and then you're left alone when you didn't think that would ever happen. i don't want him to see that i can be weak. i've always been known as the girl that doesn't cry. out of all my friends i'm the one everyone comes to when they need a shoulder to cry on. it is never the other way around. when i'm emotional and crying and sad and mad and just all over the place i don't know what to do with myself and it scares the crap out of me to see what happens when i let him see me that way. if not i can even handle myself how on earth is he supposed to?
but i guess that is where trust is just thrown into the situation again. trust is such an important factor in a relationship, and i've never given it out very easily because i've always been scared of getting hurt. i've learned a lot from this relationship. the boy means the world to me and i'm willing to risk everything for him.
i've never met a guy who treats me like a princess, who would do anything to put a smile on my face, who gets my sense of humor and can deal with my crazy faces and the insane sounds i make when i'm frustrated. i've never met a guy who gets along with my family so well, who can joke with my uncle and accept the nonsense that comes with meeting my parents.
i thought i was in love when i was with my ex. and then i met this almost too good to be true of a person and realized whatever it was in my last relationship it was not love. what i have now is love. he makes me want to be a better person. he has taught me more than he can imagine about the world. i'd call him perfect but i know that doesn't exist. but he's pretty damn close, my night in shining armor.
yeah. he's a little bit of a crazy kid, but me, i'm a crazy bitch and that is why he is so perfect for me. i am crazy, i take life too seriously, i judge everyone i see for absolutely no reason at all, i get too too angry when people are driving just two miles under the speed limit. i don't know how to talk about my feelings so i bottle them up and take them out on the people i love because i know they'll forgive me for it. and put all that aside he still loves me.
you know that saying "if he can't handle you at your worst, then he doesn't deserve you at your best"
this boy is special and he is so so incredibly patient, because he is one of the few people on this earth that can not only deal with me when i'm being a crazy emotional bitch, he somehow finds a way and manages to calm me down.
he is such a beautiful person. he has taught me so much. he has taught me that there is so much shit in life that just isn't worth getting worked up about. five years down the road half the shit i cry and complain about won't matter.
but during our time together i've learned so much about myself. i am constantly telling him i will eventually open up to him and i always come really close in doing so but then for some reason i just shut down, and today i findally realized why i do that. he says it is cause i'm insecure within our relationship but that isn't it. i guess it could be put that i'm insecure with myself. i am so afraid to opening up to him because i'm afraid of losing someone that means so much to me. i'm scared to show him that i can be vulnerable because in the past when i've done so i was left.
it sucks to put your trust in to someone and then they just leave you without reason, and then you're left alone when you didn't think that would ever happen. i don't want him to see that i can be weak. i've always been known as the girl that doesn't cry. out of all my friends i'm the one everyone comes to when they need a shoulder to cry on. it is never the other way around. when i'm emotional and crying and sad and mad and just all over the place i don't know what to do with myself and it scares the crap out of me to see what happens when i let him see me that way. if not i can even handle myself how on earth is he supposed to?
but i guess that is where trust is just thrown into the situation again. trust is such an important factor in a relationship, and i've never given it out very easily because i've always been scared of getting hurt. i've learned a lot from this relationship. the boy means the world to me and i'm willing to risk everything for him.
i've never met a guy who treats me like a princess, who would do anything to put a smile on my face, who gets my sense of humor and can deal with my crazy faces and the insane sounds i make when i'm frustrated. i've never met a guy who gets along with my family so well, who can joke with my uncle and accept the nonsense that comes with meeting my parents.
i thought i was in love when i was with my ex. and then i met this almost too good to be true of a person and realized whatever it was in my last relationship it was not love. what i have now is love. he makes me want to be a better person. he has taught me more than he can imagine about the world. i'd call him perfect but i know that doesn't exist. but he's pretty damn close, my night in shining armor.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
just because
this post is just because i feel the need to post something. not that anyone reads my posts, because i'm pretty sure no one does. except for ryan....which i don't know why he would. because i tell him all of this shit in person. so he definitely gets a double dose if he does read them. Anyways...I don't have practice today, that being one of the many reasons I love thursdays...and I only have two classes, today is a particularly even more wonderful Thursday because the sun is shining.
happy thursday and happy i'm wearing green but am not exactly sure holiday day also!
happy thursday and happy i'm wearing green but am not exactly sure holiday day also!
Monday, March 14, 2011
trust
i feel like it should be the basis of all things. one of the main building blocks of life.
you know like if you were to build a pyramid trust would be the bottom layer.
cause it is supposed to be the strongest and hold the rest of the pyramid up.
yeah....well my pyramid of friendships is slowly crumbling actually scratch that
my pyramid of friendships is coming crashing down at rapid speed.
keep your enemies close but your "friends" closer.
you know like if you were to build a pyramid trust would be the bottom layer.
cause it is supposed to be the strongest and hold the rest of the pyramid up.
yeah....well my pyramid of friendships is slowly crumbling actually scratch that
my pyramid of friendships is coming crashing down at rapid speed.
keep your enemies close but your "friends" closer.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
because i no longer have fb
i'm giving up fb for lent. so now i have an abundance of time. which i know is a good thing. more time for homework and sleep which is just what i need with the kick of this crazy track season beginning. (: yay.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I've come to the conclusion
That I don't like blogging, it is just a place to complain.
That was point one. Point two: make up your damn mind....I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster you are putting me through. It is hilarious to me, that if you ever read this, you probably won't think the above statement is about you...but it most definitely is.
That was point one. Point two: make up your damn mind....I'm tired of this emotional roller coaster you are putting me through. It is hilarious to me, that if you ever read this, you probably won't think the above statement is about you...but it most definitely is.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
when you're sick
being sick at college is not at all the same as being sick at home.
last night i had never felt so miserable. So being the baby that I can be, I called my parents.
Who doesn't want to talk to mom and dad when they're not feeling well...at least so I thought?
But apparently my mom's idea of tender loving care was yelling at me. The 35 minute trip
to the emergency room was absolutely horrific, not only did I have to hear that loud obnoxious
voice that made me want to vomit, but she insisted on driving like a maniac.
I've learned I'm a grown up now. That magic number 18 that says you're independent.
Well I am now fully embracing it. Next time I'm sick and feel like I'm going to die, I won't
be calling my parents.
last night i had never felt so miserable. So being the baby that I can be, I called my parents.
Who doesn't want to talk to mom and dad when they're not feeling well...at least so I thought?
But apparently my mom's idea of tender loving care was yelling at me. The 35 minute trip
to the emergency room was absolutely horrific, not only did I have to hear that loud obnoxious
voice that made me want to vomit, but she insisted on driving like a maniac.
I've learned I'm a grown up now. That magic number 18 that says you're independent.
Well I am now fully embracing it. Next time I'm sick and feel like I'm going to die, I won't
be calling my parents.
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