less than three

So...as I sit here trying to kill the two hours I have before running a race I don't know if I am actually prepared to run, there is only a billion and one things going through my mind. And as Valentine's day is quickly approaching of course the topic of love is occasionally crossing my already scattered thoughts.

I love a lot of things. I love eating, running, working out, cooking, learning, people, my cell phone, pictures, water bottles, being warm, and cuddling. I love sunshine, summer days, road trips, and glenns ferry, I love Nike shoes, shopping for swimsuits, and trying on dresses. I love singing, playing with my hair, honest people, giving and receiving hugs, good music, memorizing the lyrics to songs and meeting new people.

I love more things than I hate. But as much as I love loving, I just can't stand valentine's day. I'm all for giving someone cute presents and chocolates and red plastic hearts, but I cannot for the life of me understand why this holiday exists. I think it is dumb how we have a holiday to tell the people we love them that we love them. There are so many people in my life that I absolutely adore, I can't sum up my love for those people to all come down to one day in the year. I have to much love to give for just one day of the year. In my opinion we should treat our loved ones like every day is valentine's day. I would appreciate a huge teddy bear holding a sparkly stuffed heart way more on November 8th than on valentine's day.

I love the little things in life, being spontaneous and not caring. It is weird as I'm typing this I'm listening to pandora and every song that has played is a love song. I dig it though.

I thought I was in love once. It is weird that when you're in a relationship for a certain period of time, you think you're in love. But I have learned that "in love" is totally different that "love". Don't get me wrong I had strong feelings for that person...but I had stronger feelings for myself than I did for him. I cared more about what I wanted out of life than what he wanted in a future with me. I think that is how life is supposed to be though when you're 16. That 18 or 19 months or whatever it was taught me a lot though, not only about myself but just about life in general. I gained a new perspective on life after that relationship (if thats what it even was). I lost myself in that relationship because I kept trying to become the person he wanted or expected me to be. The break up was rough...but the break up was also how I found I wasn't in love with him. When you love someone or when you're IN love with someone you shouldn't be relieved when you realize that your time with that person is up. After we broke up that was all I felt was complete relief. I felt like I could finally be myself again, that I could finally breathe, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders and still now looking back I've never been as happy as I am now.

I highly recommend to go to college single. I know my mother tried to warn me, and as much as I don't want to say she was right...she totally was. College is a huge life changing thing and it should be all about you. It is okay to be selfish when you're 18. Because when you're 18 your biggest problem should be figuring out your major not trying to find a way out of a completely unhealthy relationship. 18 is the age where you should be trying to figure out who you want to be in this crazy messed up world, and what you want to do with the life God has blessed you with. There are plenty of years for being in a relationship.

Okay, so looking over this, it kind of makes me come off a girl who doesn't believe in love. That is completely false, I'm a hopeless romantic. I love everything about love. I love having someone to call on, to miss, to kiss, all that great stuff...but it's definitely not the only topic on my mind. I believe that love is possible for everyone, I just don't think I necessarily need it right now, but if it comes along, Lord knows I'm not going to push it away. (:

I'm happy with who I am and who I am becoming, my plans for my life, the goals I've accomplished and the goals I have yet to achieve. Like I said I've never been as happy as I am now in my life. Finding someone to share my utter happiness with couldn't be a bad thing...it'd be more like delicious sweet icing to top off my cake of wonderfulness! (-: